giving it some lols for cancer


This morning I tried to be normal and join in with something- it was the ‘secret’ breast cancer thing – yanno- you post ‘there’s a squirrel in my car’ or ‘I’m thinking of getting butt implants’ on social media and then anyone who comments or likes the post gets a jolly message about it being a big secret game for breast cancer awareness.

I hoped that joining in would make me feel a part of ‘something’ but almost immediately I regretted it and felt worse each time I passed on the ‘secret message’ by private memo until eventually I just went back and quietly deleted the original post…

Tomorrow is children in need day – which I also don’t join in with because my misgivings about it outweigh the enjoyment so many people seem to find in the dressing up, having fun and ‘joining in’ malarky…. we’ve just had ‘poppy day’ too …at which I head against the perceived wisdom year after year by wearing a white poppy and not supporting our present day troops and I don’t join in and buy the annual ‘song’ or collectables made from genuine WW1 shellcases.

It’s not that I’m a grumpy ‘not joining in’er’…I’m just deeply suspicious of mass events based on a moral standpoint of some sort….like ‘think of the children’. That phrase always reminds me that the government actually don’t give a flying fuck about children – if they did child poverty would trump paying for wars every time. It’s not just government…they pass the onus of caring on to  massive charities  and these behemoths seem more about maintaining their own positions than the thing they are supposed to be fighting for.

I’m aware that I over-think things sometimes…. but this morning I thought for once I’d let go and run with the populist flow and actually….it very soon felt like poo….

Maybe it’s partly because I’ve had cancer (an atypical non hodgkins lymphoma attached to my colon – seeing as you’re asking) and being all jolly and secret about it in a ‘ lols and haha’ sort of way feels like a betrayal of the days I spent in agony vomiting on the floor, having intrathecal needles stuck into my spine, being too ill to spend a whole christmas day at home, shitting myself, shooting stomach acid out of my nose through a tube etc etc etc…

…it felt so very wrong, for me, to treat cancer in a way that makes it feel in any way trivial.

If you enjoy the whole joining in with charidee ‘events’ thing…carry on…. but I’ve just had a short, sharp reminder that its seriously not my thing.


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